Wonderful things will happen when you offer your partner with acceptance and attention, rather than criticism and judgement. What might happen if we simply respected our partner’s right to think what they think and feel how they feel?
It is an interesting challenge. Unfortunately, for too many couples, the frequency of acceptance and approval starts to diminish as disappointments, hurts and resentments build up. Criticism, right-fighting and judgement enters the relationship. Blame and judgement go hand-in-hand in creating division and discontent relationships.
Judgement gives the messages, you are not enough; you are defective somehow. Judgement gets in the way of loving unconditionally. It sets a tone for attitude of – I love you when you do what i want or what i expect. It leads to the withholding of love.
It is a challenge to give up the tendency of what our partner says or does. Hopefully we never use words such as moron, idiot or worse when we are talking to or referring to our partner. These attitudes and words are extremely poisonous to relationships.
Interesting things will start to happen when we give up the need to decide if what our partner does or says is good or bad, right or wrong. Sitting in judgement of our partner leads to conflict.
Just remember, it is not our place to judge our partner. If we find ourselves judging our partner, there is a very good chance that we also judge ourselves harshly. Make a habit of focusing on the positives. Pay attention to your strengths and your partner’s strengths. When you catch yourself thinking judgmental thoughts about yourself or your partner, try putting a more positive spin on them thoughts.
Passing judgment hurts our partner and the relationship. It fills the relationship with negativity and although it may momentarily feel satisfying, it usually leads to feeling worse in the long run.
Control what you can control – and that is not your partner.